For Barbara...

March 24th, 2018

I’d like to welcome you all, friends and family, and thank you for coming together tonight to celebrate Barbara. Barbara would always say that life is for the living, that we should not mourn the loss of our loved ones in our lives, but celebrate that we had them as part of our lives. One of her favorite songs has the chorus repeating that we should open our eyes and see how life is beautiful, and we should not cry at her funeral. While this is not really a funeral, we’ll do our best not to cry for Barbara tonight.

With this in mind, I’d like to say a few words about Barbara as we remember her and what she meant to us and our lives.

Barbara Strohl was a giant pain in the ass. And I mean that in the best possible way. She was a know it all who actually knew it all, and it was a little annoying sometimes that she knew so much on so many things.. One of our friends recently described Barb as a “good follow-upper”. I think that may be a softer term for Barb, but it still fits. Life with Barbara was full of the words “Um, Actually”. It was like that show “Adam Ruins Everything” where there is a person always correcting you on your statements. I did try to watch that show a few times with her, but she would keep correcting the corrections, or adding additional details that Adam didn’t cover.

That’s not to say she was always right. She was wrong about being able to fit an igloo shaped dog house in the back of an Acura Integra, costing us a back car window. And there was our trip to Orlando where she had mentioned about seeing advertisements for a “Circus Circus” in the area. I didn’t think they had casinos in Orlando and doubted her a bit. And as we were walking around town I kept quiet as we passed by a “Citrus Circus”, Barb whispering “shut up” to me as I snickered. But in all honesty it was rare that she was wrong.

She had a drive to learn anything she did not know too. She wanted to learn how to make chocolate from scratch. We have several Roomba’s in various stages of repair as she would dig into them to see how they worked and fix them on her own. She was working with a developer in Germany on film restoration software and designing her own automated film processing rig. And also worked with a Pastor in England on an Android based clock to help prevent sundowning in alzheimer's patients. There is a series of photos I found as I was getting them together for tonight that shows Barb’s determination in learning new things. We were on a cruise to Halifax and at the end of the cruise they had learning sessions with the staff where  they would show you how to do different things like folding the towels into animals. Barb decided to learn how to fold napkins. And you can see, in these photos, that she stayed with it, even after everyone else had left, and kept that guy there until she learned how to do it right.

Another thing Barb craved in life was being in control. Some time back, I was talking with an old manager of mine about Barbara and mentioned that she had just bought a new Ford F-150 pickup truck for herself. “Oh”, he said, “ so she is a control freak.”.  I paused and marveled at his insight and ability to sum up Barb by just knowing her vehicle choice. The worst thing in her life was to not be in control of a situation, and we all got used to her stepping in to help bring order to our lives giving direction and her insight. I told my brothers last week if there is a heaven and Barb is there she is right now explaining how they have the gates arranged completely inefficiently and how to keep their books in proper order.

Professionally, Barb was a research biologist, but to us she was also a physician, photographer, baker, designer, auto mechanic, librarian, candy maker, biograper, Christmas card creator, electronics expert, film restorer, gardener, teacher...honestly I think it would be quicker to list the things Barb was not. I tried to think of the list though of what she did not do and couldn’t come up with much. I thought “entomologist” maybe, but then remembered she was voluntarily documenting and sending “shield bugs” to researchers to help track their migration patterns along the east coast. Barb was our expert in everything, and we all would call on her for any situation that came up as she must know the answer. Mom’s porch is falling apart, what do we do. Greg may be having a heart attack, what do we do. The aquarium is empty and the fish is missing, where did it go. She was who we called when we needed answers to anything. She was Siri, Alexa and Google all wrapped up in one.

Barb and I met at the University of Scranton Library when she came up to me and tried to choke me by my bolo tie. It was love at first sight. I knew I was in for a wild life when on our first date at Jim Dandy’s she ordered the potato skins with nothing on them...just plain potato skins. That was the excitement I was in for. She may have been a bit pressured into marriage after her mom told her she thought I would make a good son-in-law three months after we started dating. It was either that or her giving me half of Barb’s furniture when she moved out to Nevada. But Barb also told me of the time her and her friend went to a fortune teller, and she was told there would be five boys in her future, and as I’m the oldest of five boys maybe it was just fate. She took a sign language class and decided the best sign for me was this...weird. I actually think though that described us both and we were perfect for eachother. We knew each other well enough that my friend Tim banned us from being on the same team playing Celebrity Taboo, after Barb would get clues from me such as “He was that guy in that thing with the other guy” or “the person in that show you hate”. She also quickly ingratiated herself with my family on holidays with her gingerbread creations, flower arrangements, family calendars and family games like International Candy quiz, guess the cotton candy flavor, and a special Archer family version of Card Against Humanity.

She was a determined person, and would keep at a task until she saw it though no matter what. There was our trip to Banff where she kept seeing a particular type of bird she wanted to photograph, and each time she would finally line up a shot the bird would fly away. She spent three full days trying to get the picture before finally getting the right shot. The next day we traveled to Fort Calgary and they had the same bird stuffed right there for easy pictures. “Of course they do” Barb said.

Also, Barb was brave. She was not afraid to confront people she felt were causing problems for others or in distress. I remember when we lived in the apartment we lived right above the laundry room, and we were awoken to these constant bangs on the pipes. Rang through the apartment. I thought we should leave well enough alone but she went down to confront whoever was causing the racket. I heard the door to the laundry open as she went down and yelled at the noisemakers. She returned to tell me that she opened the door to two young boys with underpants on their heads and tube socks on their right arms. They were jumping up and seeing if they could hit the pipes. Barb asked what they were doing and they calmly replied “laundry”. She said it took everything she had in her to keep it together and tell them to cut it out.

Along with that she always always would help others before herself. She had me stop the car in the middle of the highway once when we came across people trying to catch a dog who had gotten loose from a nearby yard, and she jumped out and helped catch it. She helped push a car stuck in the snow near our house and help a disabled neighbor rake leaves even though she was sick and in pain herself. One of her favorite days at work was Take Your Child to Work days, where she would set up and demonstrate many experiments for other’s children. She would go out of her way to make sure others were taken care of before she took care of herself.

One final story I’ll share. When Barb and I went to Pre Cana in preparation for our marriage, each couple had to say to the group why they want to marry their mate. The answers were all over the place. I remember one woman said she liked her fiance because he knows a lot about sports. When they came to us I said Barb was “weird enough for me, and she gets me and who I am”. But Barb’s answer as to why she wanted to marry me was “He makes me a better person”. I was taken aback a bit, but decided she probably meant that I stop her from yelling at people with 13 items in the 12 item lane, or telling her it wasn’t super polite that when we entered a store and someone asked if they could help her she would say “No, you can’t”.  But reflecting on our life I feel she actually made me a better person, and I think she made us all better people having her in our lives. With her knowledge and helping us and in her example of helping others, I feel we are all better people having known Barbara.

So with that, a toast

To Barbara Strohl,

The great pain in the ass who made our lives better. May she forever live in our hearts and her life be an example to inspire us to be better people.